12 February, 2015

I put on my robe and wizard hat

An internet Classic - The adventures of Bloodninja

Bloodninja : Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14 : Aight.
Bloodninja : Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14 : I slip out of my pants, just for you, Bloodninja.
Bloodninja : Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14 : Oh, I like to play dress up.
Bloodninja : Me too baby.
BritneySpears14 : I kiss you softly on your chest.
Bloodninja : I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14 : Hey...
Bloodninja : I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14 : Funny I still don't see it.
Bloodninja : I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14 : You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
Bloodninja : Don't fuck with me biznitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
Bloodninja : I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl :2 Druid.
BritneySpears14 : Don't ever message me again you piece.
Bloodninja : Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of :metal.
Bloodninja : King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. :Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
Bloodninja : You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
Bloodninja : Baby?

Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate : K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate : Who are you?
Bloodninja : I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja : And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate : You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja : Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate : Haha! OK
DirtyKate : Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja : Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then :you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate : I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja : Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate : Umm...Yes
DirtyKate : So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja : Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
o    pause**
DirtyKate :I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja : You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja : I'm on my way now though
o    pause**
DirtyKate : So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja : How did you know?
Bloodninja : I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on :your coffee table.
Bloodninja : Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate : ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja : So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate : Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja : I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey :cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in :seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate : What the fuck?
DirtyKate : You perverted piece of shit
DirtyKate : Fuck

Bloodninja : Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa : Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja : What like gardening an shit?
MommyMelissa : Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja : Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja : You bend over to harvest your radishes.
MommyMelissa : is that it?
Bloodninja : You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja : Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa : I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
Bloodninja : I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja : I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa : Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja : my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja : Damn baby your right, this shit is HOT.
MommyMelissa : ...
Bloodninja : My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower :of love.
MommyMelissa : What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja : Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
MommyMelissa : whatever.

Bloodninja : I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.
Sarah19fca : mmmm, okay.
Bloodninja : I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.
Sarah19fca : Yeah I like it rough.
Bloodninja : I smack you thick booty.
Sarah19fca : Oh yeah, that feels good.
Bloodninja : Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.
Bloodninja : I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.
Sarah19fca : you like that?
Bloodninja : I peel some bananas.
Sarah19fca : Oh, what are you gonna do with those?
Bloodninja : get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.
Sarah19fca : Peanuts?
Bloodninja : Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.
Sarah19fca : What are you talking about?
Bloodninja : I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.
Sarah19fca : This is stupid.
Bloodninja : Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.
Bloodninja : Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?
Bloodninja : Yeeaahhhh.
Sarah19fca : /ignore
Bloodninja : Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.
Bloodninja : We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.:

Bloodninja : Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13 : thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
Bloodninja : A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13 : haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13 : i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
Bloodninja : I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13 : haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13 : i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
Bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13 : No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja : Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13 : stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja : It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Bloodninja : I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13 : thats it.
Bloodninja : Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see :as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
Bloodninja : Fuck am I hard now.

BritneySpears14 : Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA : Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14 : I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA : huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14 : Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14 : I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA : Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14 : What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA : Oh shit
BritneySpears14 : I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA : Oh shit
eminemBNJA : damn I gotta write down your names or something:

sweet17 : Hi
Bloodninja : hello
Bloodninja : who is this?
sweet17 : just a someone?
Bloodninja : A someone I know?
sweet17 : nope
Bloodninja : Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17 : well sorrrrrry
sweet17 : I just wanted to chat with you
Bloodninja : why?
sweet17 : nevermind your an jerk
Bloodninja : Hey wait a minute
sweet17 : yes?
Bloodninja : look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
sweet17 : paranoid?
Bloodninja : yes
sweet17 : of what?
sweet17 : me?
Bloodninja : No. I'm in hiding.
sweet17 : LOL
Bloodninja : Don't fucking laugh at me!
Bloodninja : This shit is serious!
sweet17 : What are you hiding from?
Bloodninja : The cops.
sweet17 : gimme a fucking break
Bloodninja : I'm serious.
sweet17 : I don't get it
Bloodninja : The cops are after me.
sweet17 : For what?
Bloodninja : I'm wanted in three states
sweet17 : For???
Bloodninja : It's kindof embarrasing.
Bloodninja : I had sex with a turkey.
Bloodninja : Hello?
sweet17 : You are fucking sick.
Bloodninja : Send me your picture.
sweet17 : why?
Bloodninja : so I know you aren't one of them.
sweet17 : One of what?
Bloodninja : The cops.
sweet17 : I'm not a cop i told you
Bloodninja : Then send me your picture.
sweet17 : hold on
Bloodninja : Hurry up.
Bloodninja : Are you there?
Bloodninja : Fuck you, cop!
sweet17 : Hey sorry
sweet17 : I had to do something for my mom.
Bloodninja : I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Bloodninja : When really you were notifying the authorities.
Bloodninja : Weren't you!?
sweet17 : thats not it
Bloodninja : Then what?
sweet17 : I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
Bloodninja : Most cops aren't
Bloodninja : Then send me the picture.
sweet17 : fine. What's your e-mail?
Bloodninja : Just send it through here.
sweet17 : alright *PIC*
sweet17 : Did you get it?
Bloodninja : Hold on. I'm looking.
sweet17 : That was me back in may
sweet17 : I've lost weight since then.
Bloodninja : I hope so
sweet17 : what?!?
sweet17 : that hurt my feelings.
Bloodninja : Did it?
sweet17 : Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
Bloodninja : Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17 : yes
Bloodninja : Alright let me find it.
sweet17 : kks
Bloodninja : Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17 : this isn't you.
Bloodninja : I'll be damned if it ain't!
sweet17 : You don't look like that.
Bloodninja : How the hell do you know?
sweet17 : cause your profile has another picture.
Bloodninja : The profile pic is a fake.
Bloodninja : I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17 : You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Bloodninja : Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Bloodninja : Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17 : Go fuck yourself
Bloodninja : I was going to until I saw that picture
Bloodninja : Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
sweet17 : I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
sweet17 : You've done nothing but slam me.
sweet17 : you hurt me.
Bloodninja : And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
sweet17 : I thought you were bullcrapping me!
Bloodninja : Why would I do that?
sweet17 : I can't believe that cops are after you
Bloodninja : I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17 : FUCK YOU!!!
Bloodninja : You'd break both of his legs.
sweet17 : You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE!
sweet17 : I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17 : and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
Bloodninja : Ok. I'm sorry.
sweet17 : No you aren't
Bloodninja : You're right. I'm not.
Bloodninja : HAARRRRR!
sweet17 : I'm done with you
Bloodninja : Aww. I'm sorry.
sweet17 : I'm putting you on ignore
Bloodninja : Wait a sec
Bloodninja : We got off on the wrong foot.
Bloodninja : Wanna start over?
sweet17 : No
Bloodninja : I'll eat your kitty
sweet17 : You'll what?
Bloodninja : You heard me.
Bloodninja : I said I'd eat your kitty.
sweet17 : I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
Bloodninja : Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17 : I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Bloodninja : Well I'm not like most men.
Bloodninja : I get excited in different ways.
sweet17 : Like what?
Bloodninja : Do you really wanna know?
sweet17 : I don't know
Bloodninja : You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17 : I'm afraid to
Bloodninja : Why?
sweet17 : cause
Bloodninja : cause why?
sweet17 : well lets see
sweet17 : you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17 : doesn't that seem strange to you?
Bloodninja : Nope
sweet17 : well its strange to me
Bloodninja : Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
sweet17 : I didn't say that
Bloodninja : So is that a yes?
sweet17 : I guess so.
Bloodninja : Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Bloodninja : Are you willing?
sweet17 : What do you need me to do?
Bloodninja : I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17 : ???
Bloodninja : When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
Bloodninja : ok?
Bloodninja : Hello?
sweet17 : You can't be serious
Bloodninja : Oh yes I am!
Bloodninja : It's my fantasy.
sweet17 : this is retarded
Bloodninja : Do you want it or not?
sweet17 : Yes I want it.
Bloodninja : Then you'll do it for me?
sweet17 : sure
Bloodninja : Ok. Here we go.
Bloodninja : I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Bloodninja : You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Bloodninja : I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
Bloodninja : I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17 : mmmm yeah
Bloodninja : uh oh ...going limp.
sweet17 : Har
Bloodninja : You gotta do better than that!
Bloodninja : Your picture was really bad.
Bloodninja : Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
Bloodninja : I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Bloodninja : Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Bloodninja : I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17 : mmmmmm you are good
Bloodninja : I feel your thighs tighten as I suckharder
Bloodninja : going limp
sweet17 : HARRRRRRR
Bloodninja : Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Bloodninja : You begin to sway back and forth.
Bloodninja : going limp
sweet17 : this is stupid
Bloodninja : ...still limp
Bloodninja : Do it!
Bloodninja : I turn you around to lick your asshole.
Bloodninja : I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Bloodninja : I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17 : WTF?!?!?
Bloodninja : They stink really bad.
sweet17 : OMG STOP!!!
Bloodninja : I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Bloodninja : I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Bloodninja : I ram it up your ass.
Bloodninja : Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Bloodninja : And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
Bloodninja : I kick you in the face!
sweet17 : FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
Bloodninja : The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
Bloodninja : Your parrot flys away.
Bloodninja : ...going limp again.
Bloodninja : Hello?
Bloodninja : Say it!
Bloodninja : HAARRRRRR!!!!!

Wellhung : Hello, Sweetheart . What do you look like?
Sweetheart : I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My :measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung : I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also :wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart : I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung : OK
Sweetheart : We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up :into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung : I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart : I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung : Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart : I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung : I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart : I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and :rubbing.
Wellhung : My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart : That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung : I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart : Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and :harder.
Wellhung : I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart : I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses :my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung : How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart : I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung : I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart : I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung : I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart : What?
Wellhung : I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart : I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung : I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart : OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung : I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart : I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung : I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart : What's the matter?
Wellhung : I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart : Are you OK?
Wellhung : I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart : Can I help?
Wellhung : I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your :cups?
Sweetheart : In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung : I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart : Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung : I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart : I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung : I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm :lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart : Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung : I found it.
Sweetheart : I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung : Me too.
Sweetheart : Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung : Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung : OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart : I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung : I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart : Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung : I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart : I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung : I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart : What's the matter now?
Wellhung : I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling :my way.
Sweetheart : Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung : OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart : Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung : I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart : I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung : I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart : What?
Wellhung : I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart : I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung : I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart : No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung : No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair :spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart : I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung : I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm :pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart : Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung : Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

I.F. : You ready yet? Im bearing to go!
SexyKarla17 : Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?
I.F. : a Kodiac bear
SexyKarla17 : ?
I.F. : Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me
SexyKarla17 : Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair, kissing you gently as my move my :way down your stomach
I.F. : I growl to warm you my cubs are near
SexyKarla17 : huh?
I.F. : Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs
Sexkarla17: yhea hehe dont be silly..
SexyKarla17 : I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.
I.F. : Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now
SexyKarla17 : hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking :it off me slowly
I.F. : I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you
I.F. : I Growl again, and start to bite you
SexyKarla17 : Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now
I.F. : I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood :mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.
SexyKarla17 : what the fuck?
I.F. :uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

I.F. : My shit is hard you ready to jump aboard?
1hOttYeVe : oh yhea im so wet right now
I.F. : Why you just shower?
1hOttYeVe : no im wet for you
I.F. : Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator shit you would dive and slide down, there was that :badass pool at the end of it.
1hOttYeVe : What the fuck are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?
I.F. : I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on :you...
I.F. : Im sorry lets continue!
1hOttYeVe : alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest
I.F. : I pop like 16 boners
1hOttYeVe : what the fuck!
I.F. : what?

Partner6 : So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?
J-Dogg : Yeah, J for Julie.
Partner6 : So whats with the "Dogg"
J-Dogg : Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.
Partner6 : Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?
J-Dogg : Yeah like I got 6 guns.
Partner6 : Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?
J-Dogg : hehe, of course baby.
Partner6 : I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".
J-Dogg : Ohh, it's so big.
Partner6 : Yeah, what you want to do?
J-Dogg : Umm, i guess stroke it or something.
Partner6 : It likes that.
J-Dogg : aight.
Partner6 : Keep talking to me baby...
J-Dogg : I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.
Partner6 : Mmmm, daddy like.
J-Dogg : I unzip my pants...
Partner6 : Yes, show me what you got.
J-Dogg : I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...
Partner6 : WTF?!
J-Dogg : Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!
Partner6 : I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...
J-Dogg : Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!
Partner6 : You dipshit.
J-Dogg : I whimper to myself...
J-Dogg : please don't shoot me Mr.

J-Dogg : I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.
Partner8 : Who the fuck are you?
J-Dogg : I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:
J-Dogg : Fuck me, Fuck me.
J-Dogg : My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.
Partner8 : OMFG are you trying to cyber me?
J-Dogg : We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that :forms in your thigh.
Partner8 : Is that like cancer?
J-Dogg : If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.
Partner8 : Good one romeo.
J-Dogg : You grab the bulge that you feel. you tihink it must be taking over your mind, theres nothing else you can think of. My :tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.
The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.
Partner8 : that was never a haiku.
J-Dogg : To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Withought my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.
Partner8 : That made even less sense than your "haiku"
J-Dogg : So you ready to fuck then?
Partner8 : You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.
J-Dogg : ...
Partner8 : ?
J-Dogg : I'm spent.

Jdogg : Hey
QT-Pie : Hey
Jdogg : whats goin on
QT-Pie : Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg : Jdogg . Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie : what does that mean?
Jdogg : what are you wearing?
QT-Pie : T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg : Garter belt?
QT-Pie : Ummm...no.
Jdogg : Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie : uh, okay.
Jdogg : Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg : You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie : WHAT?!
Jdogg : I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg : You leave everything to Jdogg.
Jdogg : I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie : This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg : I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie : A stripe?
Jdogg : I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie : You're a freak.
Jdogg : I was great. You loved it.

murph_304: hi
murph_304: there
bIond_n_a_vette: hi ya stud
murph_304: hows your cat
bIond_n_a_vette: hungry for your manhood
murph_304: so how did you afford to get a vette..??
bIond_n_a_vette: i worked a lot of hours on my back, want ride me?
bIond_n_a_vette: i am more fun to ride in than my vette
murph_304: Hmmmmm, really?
bIond_n_a_vette: yes
murph_304: how old are you.?
bIond_n_a_vette: 23
murph_304: and what do you look like..??
bIond_n_a_vette: blond, with big tits
murph_304: where are you from..
bIond_n_a_vette: houston
murph_304: damn, a long way away.... but i wish i was there........
bIond_n_a_vette: want to have sex over the phone?
murph_304: it will cost a fortune............
bIond_n_a_vette: ill call you then
bIond_n_a_vette: whats your number?
murph_304: but i'm from sydney, australia
murph_304: not even in the us
bIond_n_a_vette: i dont care, i want to hear your manly voice
murph_304: i cant at the moment...... but add me to your friends list and maybe we can later..
bIond_n_a_vette: its now or never
murph_304: Whats your name anyway
bIond_n_a_vette: Ralph
murph_304: Ralph..????????/
bIond_n_a_vette: Yeah short for Ralphinna
murph_304: You sick bastard go away!
bIond_n_a_vette: But...but...I love you!
murph_304: Ignored!

RaveLuvinBabe: Hi there!
cheesedog: HEYA!
RaveLuvinBabe: What u up 2?
cheesedog: Nice English.
cheesedog: Did you learn that on the short bus?
RaveLuvinBabe: Get fucked
cheesedog: I'm just joking relax
cheesedog: What's your name?
RaveLuvinBabe: Whats yours?
cheesedog: I asked you first.
RaveLuvinBabe: I asked you second
cheesedog: Did I time just warp to middle school?
RaveLuvinBabe: huh
cheesedog: Never mind. My name is Johnny
cheesedog: Johnny Cheesedog
RaveLuvinBabe: Thats not your real name
cheesedog: Why isn't that my real name?
RaveLuvinBabe: No one has the name Cheesedog as a last name
cheesedog: Well I do. Whats wrong with it?
RaveLuvinBabe: Nothin i suppose
RaveLuvinBabe: Is that your real pic in that av?
cheesedog: Yes it is
RaveLuvinBabe: Very handsome
cheesedog: Thanks
RaveLuvinBabe: You kinda look like eminem
cheesedog: Fuck you.
RaveLuvinBabe: HEY! I meant that in a good way
RaveLuvinBabe: I think eminem is hot!
cheesedog: Oh. You think I'm hot?
RaveLuvinBabe: Yeah
cheesedog: What do you look like?
cheesedog: Do you have a pic?
RaveLuvinBabe: I don't show my picture to anyone
cheesedog: Why not?
RaveLuvinBabe: Cause I'm ugly
cheesedog: I won't make fun of you
RaveLuvinBabe: Its not that. I just don't like my looks
cheesedog: So you have no self-esteem, huh?
cheesedog: Is that what you're saying?
RaveLuvinBabe: I just don't think I'm pretty
cheesedog: Let me be the judge of that.
RaveLuvinBabe: Nahhh
cheesedog: Then describe yourself.
RaveLuvinBabe: Why do u wanna know what I look like?
cheesedog: Because I think you're nice
cheesedog: I want to picture you in my head while I'm talking to you.
RaveLuvinBabe: LMAO!! You don't want 2 picture me. Trust me
cheesedog: Why not?
RaveLuvinBabe: I told you. I'm ugly.
cheesedog: Well... I think you're beautiful on the inside.
RaveLuvinBabe: You don't even know me
cheesedog: I'm a pretty good judge of character
RaveLuvinBabe: Then why do u need 2 see me?
cheesedog: I just wanted to know thats all
cheesedog: If you aren't comfortable with it... thats fine.
RaveLuvinBabe: You don't understand
cheesedog: Is it that bad?
RaveLuvinBabe: YESSSSS
cheesedog: Ok then. I'm gonna picture you as Weezy from the Jeffersons.
cheesedog: She is the bomb!
cheesedog: She makes me hot just thinking about her!
RaveLuvinBabe: Wheezy?
cheesedog: Yep. Weezy.
RaveLuvinBabe: Who is that?
cheesedog: George's wife.
RaveLuvinBabe: Who is george
cheesedog: George Jefferson. From the Jeffersons.
cheesedog: Are you fucking deaf?
RaveLuvinBabe: Who are the Jeffersons?
cheesedog: Oh lord. Here we go
RaveLuvinBabe: wut?
cheesedog: You don't know who the Jeffersons are?
RaveLuvinBabe: Should I?
cheesedog: Yes.
RaveLuvinBabe: Well I don't.
RaveLuvinBabe: huhhh?
RaveLuvinBabe: Wut the hell are you saying?
cheesedog: Hold on a second
cheesedog: Here you go. *PIC*
RaveLuvinBabe: Thats her?
cheesedog: Yep
RaveLuvinBabe: I don't look anything like that
cheesedog: SHUT UP! You're ruining my fantasy!
RaveLuvinBabe: LOL. You're funny.
cheesedog: What's funny?
RaveLuvinBabe: u r
cheesedog: I'm glad I entertain you
RaveLuvinBabe: me 2
cheesedog: So if you don't look like Weezy, what do you look like?
RaveLuvinBabe: u don't give up do u?
cheesedog: Never
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm the exact opposite of her
cheesedog: ???
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm very white
cheesedog: Thats cool, my white anti-soul sista'
RaveLuvinBabe: LOL
cheesedog: I can dig white chicks too, I guess.
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm whiter than most
cheesedog: really?
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm an albino
cheesedog: a what?
RaveLuvinBabe: u don't know what that is?
cheesedog: I've heard the word before
RaveLuvinBabe: I have no pigment in my skin, eyes or hair
RaveLuvinBabe: So I'm all white
cheesedog: This is bullshit
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm serious!
RaveLuvinBabe: You've never seen an albino before?
cheesedog: No. Where do they live? Albinia?
RaveLuvinBabe: No, we live all over.
cheesedog: Then how come I've never seen any
RaveLuvinBabe: Lucky I suppose
cheesedog: Send me your picture. I wanna know what an albino looks like.
RaveLuvinBabe: I'll send you a picture of one but not me
cheesedog: Ok
RaveLuvinBabe: Here u go *PIC*
cheesedog: Whoa. Thats freaky
RaveLuvinBabe: See why I don't send my picture out?
cheesedog: there's nothing wrong with it.
cheesedog: It doesn't make you ugly
cheesedog: This chick is kind of hot actually.
RaveLuvinBabe: Thank u
cheesedog: No problem
cheesedog: Her, not you. I don't know what you look like.
RaveLuvinBabe: Are you gonna be on in 3 hours?
cheesedog: Yes
RaveLuvinBabe: I have to go to the mall with my sister
RaveLuvinBabe: Will you be here when I get back?
cheesedog: Sure. Then I'll sex you up.
RaveLuvinBabe: Gee thanks. LOL
cheesedog: I'm serious
RaveLuvinBabe: We'll see.
cheesedog: Yes we will.
RaveLuvinBabe: Bye for now!
cheesedog: Make sure you wear some sunscreen.
About 3 hours later...
RaveLuvinBabe: HEY!
cheesedog: Hello there
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm back
cheesedog: Have fun at the mall?
RaveLuvinBabe: Yeah. I got some new shoes
cheesedog: Interesting
RaveLuvinBabe: Not really. Just shoes
cheesedog: You ready to be sexed up now?
RaveLuvinBabe: LOL
cheesedog: Is that a yes?
RaveLuvinBabe: Could be
cheesedog: HOT DAMN!
cheesedog: I gently suck your nipples
cheesedog: I feel them get hard then I jam my hand down your pants
RaveLuvinBabe: WOAH! Slow down cowboy
cheesedog: Why?
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm not just gonna cyber with you if thats all you want
cheesedog: What do you mean?
RaveLuvinBabe: You're not going to ignore me later are you?
cheesedog: Of course not.
cheesedog: I like you.
RaveLuvinBabe: I don't even know how old you are.
cheesedog: I'm 27. Now...
cheesedog: I gently massage your breasts with my rough hands
cheesedog: I roll your nipples between my fingers
RaveLuvinBabe: WAIT!
cheesedog: They get hard again... what?
RaveLuvinBabe: Don't you wanna know anything about me first?
RaveLuvinBabe: Like what I like?
cheesedog: Oh yeah. Sure. Hurry up.
RaveLuvinBabe: That didn't sound convincing.
RaveLuvinBabe: Now u r being a smartass
RaveLuvinBabe: Just give me a minute
cheesedog: ok
RaveLuvinBabe: I'm back
cheesedog: np
RaveLuvinBabe: thank you
cheesedog: So what do you like?
RaveLuvinBabe: Ummmm being licked
cheesedog: Where?
RaveLuvinBabe: Everywhere
cheesedog: Any place in particular?
RaveLuvinBabe: uhhh yeah
cheesedog: tell me
RaveLuvinBabe: on my clit
cheesedog: OK!
cheesedog: NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!
RaveLuvinBabe: I also like being done from behind
cheesedog: Ooooooohhhh.
cheesedog: Ok. Check this out.
cheesedog: We're in an abandoned building.
cheesedog: No is around. Its all quiet.
RaveLuvinBabe: Uh huh
cheesedog: I gently unbutton your pants and slide my hand across your clit
cheesedog: You get all warm and juicy.
cheesedog: I slip your panties down and continue to massage your pussy
RaveLuvinBabe: oooohh mmmm
cheesedog: I place my mouth on your pussy as I eat you from behind
cheesedog: I wiggle my tounge around across your moist hole
RaveLuvinBabe: yessss
cheesedog: I cover your ears with my hands as I eat you.
cheesedog: Egon and Ray sneak in from the back.
cheesedog: *Powering up Proton packs*
RaveLuvinBabe: ???
cheesedog: Then... Egon BLASTS your pasty white ass!!
cheesedog: Winston and Peter set up the containment trap....
cheesedog: You wiggle around in the proton streams buck naked
cheesedog: The streams almost cross! Look out!!
cheesedog: Peter smacks you across the chin with his gun
cheesedog: They open the trap and it sucks your pale ass in!
RaveLuvinBabe: This isn't funny johnny!
cheesedog: SHUT UP! YOUR CAUGHT!
cheesedog: **puts you in the containment area**
cheesedog: Slimer is in there too...
cheesedog: Now...Slimer sticks his green, slimey cock in your pigmentless ass.
cheesedog: **HE SLIMES YOU!**
RaveLuvinBabe: Never talk to me again!
cheesedog: He cums all over your hair... but no one notices cause its the same color
RaveLuvinBabe: FUCK YOUUUU
cheesedog: He eats a powdered donut!
cheesedog: o wait! It was your hand, you scary, white whore!
RaveLuvinBabe: LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
cheesedog: Chill out, Casper. You're trapped, I said.
cheesedog: Slimer goes to lick your clit.
cheesedog: But there is already slime on it!!
cheesedog: Slimer thinks you are a cheater and gets jealous!!
RaveLuvinBabe: FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!
cheesedog: **Plays volleyball with them**

evil_sarah: So you like bbws?
RobInHood: Nope...I Luv BBW"S...;o)))
evil_sarah: You're sort of cute.
RobInHood: ThanXXX...;o)))
RobInHood: Am Truly Honored...
evil_sarah: You look like you really know how to handle a woman like me.
RobInHood: 24/7...........;o)))
evil_sarah: So what would you do to me if I was there right now?
RobInHood: cover you in cane syrup and start licking you from your toes up to your ears...
evil_sarah: Mmmmm. That sounds good. Then what?
RobInHood: rub you down with baby oil and make HOT SLIPPERY LOVE to You For Hours...
evil_sarah: I only have 5 toes.
evil_sarah: Is that a problem for you?
RobInHood: is ok with me...
evil_sarah: Ok.
evil_sarah: I lost one of my legs in Desert Storm.
evil_sarah: They didn't show any of it on CNN, but it was hell over there.
evil_sarah: I was really in the shit.
RobInHood: am a vet also...
evil_sarah: yeah. From what war?
RobInHood: Nam Era...
evil_sarah: Really?
evil_sarah: You kill a lot of gooks over there?
RobInHood: some...was in Armor...a Tanker...
evil_sarah: You kill any women and children?
RobInHood: not that I Know of...
evil_sarah: I did.
evil_sarah: I hit them with the flame thrower.
evil_sarah: They tried to tell me they were civilians but I knew better.
evil_sarah: So I torched them.
evil_sarah: One of them threw a grenade and blew off one of my legs.
RobInHood: was pretty lucky...came back "Almost" like I left...
evil_sarah: What do you mean "Almost"?
RobInHood: still think about tymes...there...but ok Physically...
evil_sarah: Yeah? Did you ever make a neclace out of ears?
RobInHood: you never really forget...
evil_sarah: I did.
RobInHood: no...tried very hard to keep my Sanity...
evil_sarah: I still have a finger neclace that I wear every day.
evil_sarah: It stunk for a while but now it's just like a bunch of beef jerky.
RobInHood: did not get to bring anything back...
evil_sarah: They didn't want to let me keep it on the transport back so I had to hide it in my ass.
evil_sarah: It hurt. The fingernails kept scratching me.
evil_sarah: Let's not talk about those times.
evil_sarah: You were just about to oil up my stump.
RobInHood: ok...
evil_sarah: Keep going. Tell me what you would do next.
RobInHood: completely lost the mode...sorry...
RobInHood: mood...
evil_sarah: Come on. Pretend I'm one of those Saigon whores.
RobInHood: mind kinda wonders off to those tymes...
RobInHood: they were not really all that hot...alll skin and bones...
RobInHood: not cuddly at all...
evil_sarah: Tell me I'm a slut and pull my hair.
RobInHood: I like to do that...;o)))
evil_sarah: What's up with that link on your profile? You have herpes?
RobInHood: yes...one thing I did get to bring back...
evil_sarah: I got it too from Kuwait.
evil_sarah: No big deal. I can deal with it.
RobInHood: me also...
evil_sarah: Does yours itch?
RobInHood: am pretty lucky...only a few tymes a yr...
evil_sarah: Sometimes i can't tell if it's the herpes or the vaginosis. But it itches like crazy.
evil_sarah: It smells horrible too. Like a burning tire.
evil_sarah: So come on. You were in the middle of oiling me up.
evil_sarah: Let's get it on.
RobInHood: Sorry ...maybe some other tyme...maybe???
evil_sarah: No. Come on. You got me all excited now.
evil_sarah: Don't you want to have cyber sex with me?
RobInHood: can not concentrate right now...
evil_sarah: Why not?
evil_sarah: You're not having flashbacks to the Nam are you?
RobInHood: not really flashbacks...just bad memeories
evil_sarah: Like what?
evil_sarah: You hearing voices?
evil_sarah: You got gooks in the peremiter?
RobInHood: you always hear their voices and see their faces...but worst yet is when the faces
RobInHood: you see is their Death Face...not when they were alive...
evil_sarah: Oh yeah. Now your're getting me hot. Keep going.
evil_sarah: I'm sucking on one of the fingers from my neclace right now. Hello?
RobInHood: have to hit the showers. Got to get up for work tomorrow.
evil_sarah: No don't go!
evil_sarah: I'm almost finished.
evil_sarah: I'm fingering my self with one of the bigger ones from my neclace.
RobInHood: don't have tyme
evil_sarah: This fuckign vaginosois. Makes it look like it's covered with cottage cheese.
RobInHood: sounds nice. Bye.
evil_sarah: You pussy!
evil_sarah: A real man would at least finish a woman off.
evil_sarah: You have no backbone.
RobInHood: But I love you! You are a bbw!!
evil_sarah: That's why you couldn't bring yourself to torch those women and kids In the Nam.
evil_sarah: I once burned a kid to death with a pack of matched
evil_sarah: because my flamethrower was out of gas.
RobInHood: Bye.
evil_sarah: I smuggled one guy's brains back in a mayonnaise jar.
evil_sarah: I put it on crackers and eat it at special occasions.
RobInHood: You're sick. Goodbye.
evil_sarah: Mostly on Holidays. I don't have much left.
evil_sarah: Are you still there?
evil_sarah: ANSWER ME!

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