30 July, 2009

Marinated Thanksgiving Turkey

Marinated Thanksgiving Turkey
Also works for Rock / Game (hen) or Chicken

• 1 ½ Cup Chicken broth
• 1 Cup Soy sauce
• 2 Cups Water
• 2/3 Cup Lemon Juice
• 1 ½ teaspoon Ground Ginger
• 2 cloves garlic (minced)
• 1 teaspoon pepper

14-18 pound Turkey
Those turkey sized oven bags work great for this (in the same isle as chicken sized one)

Clear a space in the ‘fridge

Combine all ingredients (duh!), warm in a sauce pan.

Pour Marinade in a big plastic bag after you put the bird in (Probably ought to double bag it… Trust me on this.)

Use a bunch of twist-ties and close the bag up tight (Again, duh!) and put it in the fridge (Yeah… Duh!!)

Every once-in-a-while: reach in the ‘fridge and flip the bag over. Do this for AT LEAST 24 hours, better if you can soak the bird for a couple days.

Keep about 2 cups of the marinade… Take the bird out of the bag and cook it:

Basting frequently. Bake at 325º F for about 4 hours (or more) until you get 185º on a meat thermometer.

When the bird begins to brown, to block the alien frequencies cover lightly with a tent of aluminum foil.

Foil hats for the rest of your paranoid family is optional. Sort of…?

For smaller birds: Try this “Drunken Chicken” variation on a marinated bird.

Half-fill a greased small (6 oz. {V-8 or apricot nectar}) can with some cheap (cheep) beer, and stick it up the hens’ ass so it has something to sit on while you cook it.

Same goes for a chicken, though, use a bigger (12 oz.) can because chickens have a much larger asshole.

Turkey assholes are WAY to big… Don’t even think about it!

Recipe submitted anonymously by Richie.

How to start a letter. Or How NOT to start a letter

(From February 2005)

It has occurred to me on many occasions that convention is not a guiding light in my life. So here I am about to say “Hello” but having decided to be unconventional, I am now forced to NOT start this letter by typing "Hello”, then typing a comma, hitting ‘Enter’ and ‘Tab’.

Even if I changed my mind, it’s far too late for that now. Isn’t it?

Some other ideas I had thought of for starting a letter were something to the effect of: Explaining just exactly how dishonest the person who comes on to the television and predicts what the atmosphere is going to have in store for us land locked, yet vocal simian ancestors. More precisely, just exactly what a lying bastard that person is! Or at the very least, how I seriously question the parentage of such an individual.

This particular commentary about the weatherman (weatherPERSON?) may be somewhat guided (jaded!) by a forecasted dusting of snow that was really only about 6 inches when all was said and done. Makes one wonder what an “accumulation” of snow would look like. An even simpler explanation would go something like this: The weatherman (weatherPERSON?) is incompetent and/or a liar! Mind you, they have gotten the forecast right enough times in the past that ruling out incompetency is easy. That leaves -LIAR-. Do the math yourself… See what I mean.

O.K. then, enough about the weather…

Another idea I had for starting off a letter was a headline on the very top of the page about “Glow-in-the-dark Banana flavored Napalm”. I would have gone on and on about it. But we ARE all adults here. Who has time to read about children’s toys anyway?

The sets of muscles that are used to “roll your eyes” are so fatigued in all of us that I dare not bring up politics or religion. Further fatigue of these muscles will undoubtedly lead to unconsciousness, convulsions, and finally, born again ultra-conservative republicanism, then death. I’m sorry if that alarms you, but it IS scientifically factual opinion. So, I wouldn’t start off a letter with politics or religion for just that reason. I can’t expect you to finish reading this letter if you are victimized to death by rolling your eyes one to many times.

Perhaps I have presented my concern about the dangers of “eye rolling” far too late in this letter and you have already expired. Admittedly the opportunity has certainly shown it’s self more than once, up to this point.

Bricklayer Accident Report

Bricklayer Accident Report

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board.

Dear Sir;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs. of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley, which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence.

Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here, my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

28 July, 2009

Truth, Path, Characteristics, Hindrances, Factors...

It really is this simple… The difficulty is in allowing the self to see how simple it really is.
Four Noble Truths
1. Suffering exists
2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires
3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path

Noble Eightfold Path

Three Qualities Eightfold Path
Wisdom Right View

Right Thought
Morality Right Speech

Right Action

Right Livelihood
Meditation Right Effort

Right Mindfulness

Right Contemplation

Six right livelihood guidelines

Consume mindfully.
  • Eat with awareness and gratitude.
  • Pause before buying and see if breathing is enough.
  • Pay attention to the effects of media you consume.
Pause. Breathe. Listen.
  • When you feel compelled to speak in a meeting or conversation, pause.
  • Breathe before entering your home, place of work, or school.
  • Listen to the people you encounter. They are Buddhas.
Practice gratitude.
  • Notice what you have
  • Be equally grateful for opportunities and challenges.
  • Share joy, not negativity.
Cultivate compassion and loving kindness.
  • Notice where help is needed and be quick to help
  • Consider others' perspectives deeply.
  • Work for peace at many levels.
Discover wisdom
  • Cultivate "don't know" mind (= curiosity).
  • Find connections between Buddhist teachings and your life.
  • Be open to what arises in every moment.
Accept constant change.

(G+ friendly copy-paste version)
*Four Noble Truths*
      1. Suffering exists
      2. Suffering arises from attachment to desires
      3. Suffering ceases when attachment to desire ceases
      4. Freedom from suffering is possible by practicing the Eightfold Path

*Eightfold Path*
      Right View
      Right Thought
      Right Speech
      Right Action
      Right Livelihood
      Right Effort
      Right Mindfulness
      Right Contemplation